Goodnight, and sleep well.

  Being single is easy; there's only one person you have worry about your decisions affecting. Go ahead and buy the junker with no airbags, you have no passengers on a daily basis and you'll have plenty of time to work on it since you're by yourself. Any sort of love is hard, you have to be able to give yourself to another, and learn how to give the right amount of trust and hope they do the same for you. There's so much that go wrong, and so many ways that can end with you sitting on the couch, depressed, or in an unmarked grave in the middle of a forgotten canyon.
Too much trust, and it's all over. The world will eat you up and it will destroy you. You will know pain, and it may become familiar. But no trust at all is cynicism. The world will become nothing but a dark twisted monster that only purpose is to sneer in your face and remind you how it just hates you. Strength gives us the chance to change the world around us, to create something that everyone can enjoy. We must be able to look at what is happening around us, and we must stand up to the challenge. Courage is what we need then: courage to walk up to the girl at the end of the bar; courage to take her home; courage to make it work out in the end. But life is never so cut and dried. We scramble through the brambles of the interlacing branches of other people's lives. Sometimes they snap back in our faces, and other times they simply snap in our hands. It's a confusing mess, and we try our best to find something that makes sense in it. Wisdom is the light we need. Wisdom will help us find patterns in what looks like a confusing mess; wisdom will help us decide what is worth our time and effort, and wisdom will help us decide what the difference is between the things we can change and the things we cannot.
Love has destroy men more powerful than I. Love was the downfall of heroes and gods! Love is one more thing that makes no sense in a world with no meaning and too many coincidences. What do we do? Follow Pandora's lead, baby, and just hope. Hope nothing blows up in our faces, and hope that there is some meaning. Here's to hope; let's hope that it's all we need.

IWSG fo January. Hope your New Year is exciting.

And now for the insecure writers support group. Sorry I don't have the badge up, but I still haven't figured out how yet. Go check out http://alexjcavanaugh.blogspot.com/ because Alex Cavanaugh is good enough to host this every month and keep it organized so all the writers can get out and do this.
Look at this site! I've done nothing to snazz it up and make it presentable. I've been trying to make my writing better, because substance is better than presentation, I guess. This is only a hobby though, so when things come up in my day to day life this gets pushed to the side. And lately, I've been unsure of what to write. The act of writing is just relaxing, though, so I've been getting better about posting over the last month. I've got some ideas that need to be followed through with on this, I'm just trying to decide how to start.
Just working on things gives me practice and makes me a stronger writer. I've tried to apply that logic to everything else in my life and it's given me a mountain of skills. It's fun trying something new, and it's an adventure trying to master it. What have you been trying to learn and master, lost internet traveller? Have you tried something new to add onto your personality? I've been relearning my biology and chemistry, and have been learning Russian recently. This is on top of my never-ending quest to get better at math and writing. Someone once told me that our skills will one day catch up with our ambition, and I'm banking on that fact. I hope your travels and your writing go well. Until next time!

Happy December 25!

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it, and celebrate it today.  I hope it's fun for you all.
Life has boiled down to a few points.  Knowledge, patience, and ambition. Ambition is something everyone seems to have, whether it's living a simple life with a good family and happy existence, fun and happiness, or it can come out to be loftier goals like being a president or wanting to change the world. Patience, however, is a skill that has to be learned and practised. It does not seem to be something that everyone has, and the truth is that it's something I'm still working on myself.  With it, goals can be planned for and worked towards.  Eventualy, our skills catch up with our ambition.
With patience, we can watch our hard pay off towards a rewards that give us something worth more than money.  Skills are gained that give more, gain more, and let us live more.  Doors open that present paths never seen.  Insight is given that allows us to see ourselves in a different light, and gives us a new world to play and strive in.  Knowledge comes with time, and creates a magic that gives us chance to change the threads of time and space.  With ambitions, knowledge, and patience, we are given the chance to become something more.  We are given the chance to become gods.
Now the world becomes more complicated.  As Greek mythology shows us, hubris is the downfall of many men. I call it getting to cocky. Luck plays a part in trying to reach our goals, and while luck can be determined by our actions and our words, we can't always count on the actions of those around us. You may be a perfect driver with a clean driving record, but you don't know about the driver in the other car. Their eyesight may be failing, and their boyfriend may have just broken up with them. Their brakes may not work. It's luck that you cannot change, but we may be able to make the best of it. I will leave the results up to your imgination to create and play with.
What is reality?  If the world is sum of our senses, than is it something we can control the outcome of? Does the knowledge we gain change the world around us? The people we are affects the people around us, and minds seem to attract similar minds. Great minds seem to inspire others, and in turn create a group that was more powerful than before. The interests we have seem to act as a magnet; following those interest lead us to other people with their own thought, emotions, experiences, dreams, and goals.  Taking the time to gain their wisdom will then lead to more knowledge and greater insight. A world is created that never existed before.
Maybe this is the ramblings of a young mind. Someone with too much optimism about the future. Maybe the rules are too cut and dried, and the game is set agianst us from the start. Maybe there is something that only works to give us everything, only to see how we act when we fall. For the time being, it is in our favor to go with the cards that are dealt and make the best of it. Hopefully, the knowledge we gain will give us the wisdom to know when bow out and say Au revoir, adios and До свидания.

What? Another post?

I am at a point where I am looking forward to a few days off. I've been stuck in my apartment for weeks and the white board and mirrors are starting to get covered in strange symbols. Curves have been calculated, javascript functions have been written down as reminders, and the Russian alphabet is looking down on me while I sleep.  Luckily there's Christmas and a four day weekend coming up.  I can stop and relax and take long walks through the woods. . . yeah. My only fear is I'll open my mouth about one of my many projects and then my brain will go running with an idea.  It's hard to shut this damn thing off, you know.  It seems to be always running in the background, and as soon as it gets acknowledged it just goes on full power until there's no juice left and I feel mentally exhausted. Half of what it comes up with just seems wrong.
Symbols have become fun. It breaks down language and changes it to become something else.  The symbols of set theory turn mathematics into it's own language.  Letters, numbers, scribbles in the sand, they are meaningless unless noises or ideas are given to them. And structure of the symbols is important! English follows different sentence structures than French, so if you write English words into a French structure, you may end up with gibberish. Sort of. Your message won't be as clear.
The rules are there to be toyed with.  How do we tell a good story or poem?  Any way we want. Strip down you writing to it simplest form and join the ranks of the minimalists. Throw editing away and enjoy the craziness of the gonzo masters. Live like a Dadaist and say screw the rules! the world makes no sense.
Write to find a calm beach where there is only insanity.

What was what?

Don't worry about how to write.  Don't worry about what to write. Don't worry about writing.
What is it about writing that is just so attractive? It's a way to organise and put forth thoughts and see their connection with other thoughts.  I can stop and re-read, re-think, and re-edit.  And no one has to see my thoughts until I think it's worthy to be seen.  I can not only choose what I want you to see, but I can influence how I want you to think about it.
I'm over-thinking, over-thinking, over-thinking all these issues.  This is just a time to step back and let the words type themselves.  The information doesn't have to be there, in fact, this is a time for no thought at all.
There is beauty in life.  Structure and design in nature always seem so simple, yet work so efficiently.  The way the shape of an egg absorbs weight and distributes it evenly across it's structure.  The design of plants in order to gain the most amount of sunlight.  There is little that is chaotic in nature, but it comes about as a trial and error response to chaos.
So many questions, yet so little time to answer them.  That seems to be the number one reason to write, paint, think, and do math: share the answers we have gained to people we can't see.  The people I can't even imagine.  The people who will live, the people who are living, and the people who have similar questions and no answers.
Write just because.  I am so fucking relaxed right now.

Insecurities, sure.

Well,I'm still around.And am I'm ready for this addition of insecure writers support group.
Haven't posted anything for awhile.  I've been writing, but haven't posted anything.  Anybody else have a bin for ideas that seem good, but haven't finished?  That's what I've been accumulating since September.  Good, unfinished ideas. 
It's all wrong.  The stuff I wrote in the past has glaring technical errors, the stuff I write now just doesn't seem fleshed out. I'm constantly hitting blocks while I'm writing, and a lot of the time the flow seems off to me.  I haven't stopped writing though.  Like I've said, none of it's online.
It's just a good old fashioned case of self doubt.  I am having trouble with this damn post because it doesn't sound right.  There's no flow.
I like writing, and I don't stop really.  Writing helps sort out my thoughts.  It's puts them in down in a linear fashion, and keeps me from repeating myself when I think. Writing helps get things done.
I've got nothing right now.  Hopefully this won't last.

Just some after works thoughts by an idle mind.

Someone asked me today "Why?"  It was made in a half humorous way, but it's the kind of question I like.  Gives you room to think.  Gives you a chance at creativity.  Gives the brain a workout, while it comes up with an answer that you can roll over in your mind and shape like clay.
The answer I gave was; "Why is an interesting question.  And an important one.  In fact, it's a question so important that we decided to give it's own letter in the alphabet.  A list of sounds that make up our everyday speech, and the question 'Why?' is one of them.  So it must be a very important question."
At the time, I gave it as sort of a smart-ass answer.  Just give an answer to the question, then just run with the answer.  Try it sometime, it's fun.  Sort of like freestyle, I guess.  Anyways, the question came back when I read something using "u" instead of "you".  Amazing thing language.  We, as a culture, decide what ideas and things are important enough to merit their own names.  The idea of the alphabet being a hall of fame for words give me a smile, but can fall a bit flat.  U are so important that I need every child to learn how to say it.  To be is the question, but are B's and the honey making skills that important?  Auditory stimulus is apparently secondary to the I's ability to C.  And we all know how important getting rid of liquid waste is.  R u following what I am sayin'?