Happy December 25!

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it, and celebrate it today.  I hope it's fun for you all.
Life has boiled down to a few points.  Knowledge, patience, and ambition. Ambition is something everyone seems to have, whether it's living a simple life with a good family and happy existence, fun and happiness, or it can come out to be loftier goals like being a president or wanting to change the world. Patience, however, is a skill that has to be learned and practised. It does not seem to be something that everyone has, and the truth is that it's something I'm still working on myself.  With it, goals can be planned for and worked towards.  Eventualy, our skills catch up with our ambition.
With patience, we can watch our hard pay off towards a rewards that give us something worth more than money.  Skills are gained that give more, gain more, and let us live more.  Doors open that present paths never seen.  Insight is given that allows us to see ourselves in a different light, and gives us a new world to play and strive in.  Knowledge comes with time, and creates a magic that gives us chance to change the threads of time and space.  With ambitions, knowledge, and patience, we are given the chance to become something more.  We are given the chance to become gods.
Now the world becomes more complicated.  As Greek mythology shows us, hubris is the downfall of many men. I call it getting to cocky. Luck plays a part in trying to reach our goals, and while luck can be determined by our actions and our words, we can't always count on the actions of those around us. You may be a perfect driver with a clean driving record, but you don't know about the driver in the other car. Their eyesight may be failing, and their boyfriend may have just broken up with them. Their brakes may not work. It's luck that you cannot change, but we may be able to make the best of it. I will leave the results up to your imgination to create and play with.
What is reality?  If the world is sum of our senses, than is it something we can control the outcome of? Does the knowledge we gain change the world around us? The people we are affects the people around us, and minds seem to attract similar minds. Great minds seem to inspire others, and in turn create a group that was more powerful than before. The interests we have seem to act as a magnet; following those interest lead us to other people with their own thought, emotions, experiences, dreams, and goals.  Taking the time to gain their wisdom will then lead to more knowledge and greater insight. A world is created that never existed before.
Maybe this is the ramblings of a young mind. Someone with too much optimism about the future. Maybe the rules are too cut and dried, and the game is set agianst us from the start. Maybe there is something that only works to give us everything, only to see how we act when we fall. For the time being, it is in our favor to go with the cards that are dealt and make the best of it. Hopefully, the knowledge we gain will give us the wisdom to know when bow out and say Au revoir, adios and До свидания.

What? Another post?

I am at a point where I am looking forward to a few days off. I've been stuck in my apartment for weeks and the white board and mirrors are starting to get covered in strange symbols. Curves have been calculated, javascript functions have been written down as reminders, and the Russian alphabet is looking down on me while I sleep.  Luckily there's Christmas and a four day weekend coming up.  I can stop and relax and take long walks through the woods. . . yeah. My only fear is I'll open my mouth about one of my many projects and then my brain will go running with an idea.  It's hard to shut this damn thing off, you know.  It seems to be always running in the background, and as soon as it gets acknowledged it just goes on full power until there's no juice left and I feel mentally exhausted. Half of what it comes up with just seems wrong.
Symbols have become fun. It breaks down language and changes it to become something else.  The symbols of set theory turn mathematics into it's own language.  Letters, numbers, scribbles in the sand, they are meaningless unless noises or ideas are given to them. And structure of the symbols is important! English follows different sentence structures than French, so if you write English words into a French structure, you may end up with gibberish. Sort of. Your message won't be as clear.
The rules are there to be toyed with.  How do we tell a good story or poem?  Any way we want. Strip down you writing to it simplest form and join the ranks of the minimalists. Throw editing away and enjoy the craziness of the gonzo masters. Live like a Dadaist and say screw the rules! the world makes no sense.
Write to find a calm beach where there is only insanity.

What was what?

Don't worry about how to write.  Don't worry about what to write. Don't worry about writing.
What is it about writing that is just so attractive? It's a way to organise and put forth thoughts and see their connection with other thoughts.  I can stop and re-read, re-think, and re-edit.  And no one has to see my thoughts until I think it's worthy to be seen.  I can not only choose what I want you to see, but I can influence how I want you to think about it.
I'm over-thinking, over-thinking, over-thinking all these issues.  This is just a time to step back and let the words type themselves.  The information doesn't have to be there, in fact, this is a time for no thought at all.
There is beauty in life.  Structure and design in nature always seem so simple, yet work so efficiently.  The way the shape of an egg absorbs weight and distributes it evenly across it's structure.  The design of plants in order to gain the most amount of sunlight.  There is little that is chaotic in nature, but it comes about as a trial and error response to chaos.
So many questions, yet so little time to answer them.  That seems to be the number one reason to write, paint, think, and do math: share the answers we have gained to people we can't see.  The people I can't even imagine.  The people who will live, the people who are living, and the people who have similar questions and no answers.
Write just because.  I am so fucking relaxed right now.

Insecurities, sure.

Well,I'm still around.And am I'm ready for this addition of insecure writers support group.
Haven't posted anything for awhile.  I've been writing, but haven't posted anything.  Anybody else have a bin for ideas that seem good, but haven't finished?  That's what I've been accumulating since September.  Good, unfinished ideas. 
It's all wrong.  The stuff I wrote in the past has glaring technical errors, the stuff I write now just doesn't seem fleshed out. I'm constantly hitting blocks while I'm writing, and a lot of the time the flow seems off to me.  I haven't stopped writing though.  Like I've said, none of it's online.
It's just a good old fashioned case of self doubt.  I am having trouble with this damn post because it doesn't sound right.  There's no flow.
I like writing, and I don't stop really.  Writing helps sort out my thoughts.  It's puts them in down in a linear fashion, and keeps me from repeating myself when I think. Writing helps get things done.
I've got nothing right now.  Hopefully this won't last.

Just some after works thoughts by an idle mind.

Someone asked me today "Why?"  It was made in a half humorous way, but it's the kind of question I like.  Gives you room to think.  Gives you a chance at creativity.  Gives the brain a workout, while it comes up with an answer that you can roll over in your mind and shape like clay.
The answer I gave was; "Why is an interesting question.  And an important one.  In fact, it's a question so important that we decided to give it's own letter in the alphabet.  A list of sounds that make up our everyday speech, and the question 'Why?' is one of them.  So it must be a very important question."
At the time, I gave it as sort of a smart-ass answer.  Just give an answer to the question, then just run with the answer.  Try it sometime, it's fun.  Sort of like freestyle, I guess.  Anyways, the question came back when I read something using "u" instead of "you".  Amazing thing language.  We, as a culture, decide what ideas and things are important enough to merit their own names.  The idea of the alphabet being a hall of fame for words give me a smile, but can fall a bit flat.  U are so important that I need every child to learn how to say it.  To be is the question, but are B's and the honey making skills that important?  Auditory stimulus is apparently secondary to the I's ability to C.  And we all know how important getting rid of liquid waste is.  R u following what I am sayin'?

4'33"

     The fears that I have are my greatest motivator.  It's simple, really.  I am afraid I am going to die alone, stuck in the house I was born in.  I am afraid that my growth as person will be limited to the world seen through a 17" glowing screen.  I'm terrified my stories of glory will be about the epic raids on a digital world.  And the idea of living vicariously through the written words of dead men is an idea that wakes me up in the middle of the night.
    So I convince myself life is boring and it needs excitement.  So instead of finding something that gives me stability, I find some way to change myself.  I learn math, french, and science.  I drink because I feel that a life of meditation and purity is a wasted existence.  Why?  Because how can I reflect on life if I haven't lived life and tried everything?
     On the other hand, I spend a bit of time meditating.  Meditating only allows reflection.  Problems are put under new light, where answers can be seen.  But new questions and problems surface.  TV, and comedy, makes the problems disappear temporarily.  What I'm saying is I spend more time watching TV than meditating.  Escape is just more important than reflection.
     I don't know what the point of this is.  All I'm doing is whispering my fears into the void.  And I'm not even doing that very well.  So what is fear?  What should we have to fear?
     Heights is exhilarating.  Death is a finale, a note that is worth going out on to see what lies beyond.  Fear is what keeps us at night.  Fear of a death, not of death, is what scares me.  A death without meaning.  A death where nothing gets done, and it's an empty death where you choke on your own tongue, alone.  And that is the death of your physical self.  The hope is to leave behind something worth remembering, a person that people can talk about.  Otherwise, the memory of you will fade, and you will die again.  This time forever, because no one even knows you existed.
     These are fears that can keep me awake.  Not clowns.  Not crowds.  Just the idea that I will never, ever get to experience it all.  Life is too damn short, and there is  not enough time.  How can one person live the life of stability, while constantly jumping from one adventure to the next?  Where does love fit in a life of travel?  How the fuck can people just stop?
     As you lie in your bed tonight, listen to John Cage's 4'33".  Really listen to it, and let it take you places.  You will hear sounds, different sounds, even beautiful sounds and your mind begin a small spin.  Think about motivation, and fear.  Think about love, maybe.  Think about life.  How the stark, dark contrasts of those miserable moments can create a world that appeals to the senses when combined with bright memories of the past.  And sit and enjoy the silence.

My Second IWSG.

     Today I'm weaving a security blanket of words to help with my insecurities!  That's right, it's time for Aristotle's seceond insecure writers support group.
     The first thing I'll write about is this quote by English logician and philosopher, Bertrand Russell - "Aristotle could have avoided the mistake of thinking that women have fewer teeth than men, by the simple device of asking Mrs. Aristotle to keep her mouth open while he counted."  There.  That's Aristotle's Mistake.  Just saved you the trouble of looking it up.
     Writing has gotten harder recently.  I keep saying it's due to a change in schedule, but there is always time.  I'm not less interested in it, or in learning and and reading.  It's just recently it's gotten harder to start the writing and see it through to the end.
     Part of it does seem to be due to changes.  I'm not working outside anymore, therefore I keep myself in.  I stopped drinking coffee for a few days because I've been drinking more.  Routines that kept me in check have begun to break down.  Why have they begun to break down?  Again, I feel like it's because of change.
     Writer's block affects me more.  Instead of being forced to deal with an idea that just keeps getting played over and over again in my head until I get up to walk it off, I find myself sitting here staring at the screen.  When I'm writing about insecurities, I can type.  The problem is that my thoughts only go as far as the current word.  This is a method that works well for writing about emotions, but it doesn't work as much for times when I want to write about stuff like physics.  I keep drifting off from my work.
     I dropped the routine  because I had to many distractions.  Before the change in job and change in location, I had a place to sit, drink coffee, and work with no distractions.  So the first step in picking a new routine is not to pick a new day, but instead to find a new place to work undistracted for a few hours.  Library might win the competition.
     The fact is, the routines help tremendously.  By simply planning things out in advance, it allows me time to think and work on other things.
     This is a strange post.  It's really me sitting here and working out my problems.  Hello to all of those visiting from Alex's blog.  You've been wonderful and I hope to see you again next month.