Thursday, July 19, 2012

The Insane Mathmatical Ramblings of a Madman.

     Wow, so here it is, my imaginary amigos, a joke in my head that somehow gained momentum and never stopped.  I gonna say right here this may not be safe for work.
     Entropy, sex, and the unseen world.  The discussion that's been in our minds for years.  The questions you never had, and the answers that are non-sequesters.
     Sex, sex, and more sex.  It seems that those of us that think a lot about it are not having enough of it.  It seems fitting that a blogger that talks about thermodynamics is going to think about sex, because it's safe to assume if he has enough free time to look for thermodynamic equations, he's probably suffering from a lack of sexual stimulation.
     Energy, heat, friction, and other principles come into play during sex.  And if I add enough equations into a discussion on the topic, it makes it seem like I've done work for the last week as opposed to watching porn.
     Imagine for a moment you are a young American Philosophy student on a back packing trip through Europe to "find yourself".  You're a philosophy student because you're imaginary and theoretical.  And you meet a German Engineer with low standards during this trip.  During this tale, feel free to fill any plot holes.
     While the two of you are doing your thing, keep in mind that one or both of you are doing work by the scientific definition of the word.  That is, one or both of you is moving.  And energy is the cause of that work.  A lack of energy would make this process that much harder.  What I want the first step to be is to define terms.  While you're busy plowing this person, I want you to be able to accurately figure out the science behind this.
     Since you're American, naturally all your measurements are done in imperial.  But you are in Europe where you have landed a scientist of sorts, so I ask of you to make a good impression.  Use metric.  And protection, but I hope that already occurred to you.
     I am going to make a lot of assumptions here, because there's a lot of information I don't know about you or your partner.  And I'm not all together positive on how to quantify your energy.  But I will say that your partner there, is full of Joules.  And the force they're using, well, that's Newtons.  You could say they're using Joules to make Newtons.
     And now that we've defined some units, we can begin to examine how the first two laws apply to sex.
     From a design perspective, this act is fairly straight forward; insert Tab A into Slot A.  From a psychological perspective, people are stupid and Tab A only goes into Slot A if we're lucky.  Biologically speaking, we are not design for the latter.  Before you go sticking your Tab into random Slots, think about the conservation of energy principle.
     Your potential energy is becoming kinetic energy.  And that kinetic energy is motions of your hips as they move back and forth.  As Tab A goes into Slot whatever, it is going to create friction.  The friction comes as the two planes move past each other, and if your friend there starts moving, then as the opposing force increases, so does the friction.  As said before, the energy has to go somewhere, and if there's a lot of friction, there is going to be a lot of heat.    You can prevent this build up of heat with the simple application of lube.
     Your probably noticing a lot of heat now in fact.  You're young, so you can have a crazy hectic sex life.  If you focus your attention inward, you might notice that your heart is getting a work right now and your temperature is rising.  That's normal, don't worry about it.  That heat your feeling is entropy.  And if your finding that your mind is wandering or math makes your partner really turned on, you can begin to figure out what entropy is.
     Entropy is the measure of the energy being dispersed.  It's energy you had, but wasn't used to drive your hips into your partner repeatedly.  It's the energy that you've lost through heat.
     Try shouting "The amount of energy being dispersed in a system is equal to the highest temperature divided by the lowest temperature!" a couple times to get your friend going.  Now you can use this statement to continue your problem solving.  In this case, either one of you can be the thermodynamic systems this equation refers to.  You and your Germanic friend started your little rendezvous with temperatures of 37 degrees Celsius.  With all the energy you've been using, it's probably safe to assume that the temperatures have gone up.  But your going to have to get some hard core data here.  I need you to take the temperature of one of the systems.  I suggest inserting the thermometer vaginally and using it to get your partner off.
     Now you're going to use that number in the above equation.  I can try using math to guess the temperature, but I'm just going to say it's gone up by a degree, for the sake of sanity.  This will mean that you would have something that looks like 38 degrees c divided by 37 degrees c.  Or 1.027 joules.  Now get back to work, because sex is apparently making your brain work.  Maybe it's the increased blood flow.  Maybe your absorbing all of your partner's engineering knowledge.  Whatever the case, you need it because it's about to get intense.
     I can't really find information to help with what we are about to attempt.  Many engineers have tried, but none have written it down.  And in all honesty, you became a philosopher because the transitive property is the most math you could wrap your brain around.
     The first thing we must do is figure out what the absolute temperture of the system is.  To do this, we need to convert Celsius to kelvin.  We need a number to convert, of course.  When trying to figure out the entropy of steam, they use the absolute temperature of boiling water.  By that logic I've chosen 42 degrees Celsius, because if your body rises above that, you are in for some serious damage.  Let me repeat, if you or sex buddies temperature is 42 degrees Celsius or 107 degrees Fahrenheit, then stop and seek medical attention!  But that's impressive, quite honestly.
    Add 273.15 to the Celsius number to get the kelvin equivalent.  So now you know that heat stroke starts at 315.15 K.
     Here it is, the big finish.  The equation I came here to talk to you about today.  While your working towards your climax, think about this:  the change in entropy is equal to the dispersion of energy divided by the absolute temperature of the system.  You can shout out that or the answer as you climax.  I'll leave that decision to you.
     As the two of you try to reach equilibrium in your post-coital bliss,you might find yourself wondering why your so tired.  Your tired because of all the work you did, and I'm going to leave you with one more equation.  Work is equal to the difference in energy.  If you were energtic then and just barely awake now, then rest assured the answer to that equation is somewhere in the range of "a lot".  Unless we come up with real numbers, we'll never figure out how much work was done mathematically.  This makes the experiment void, and I'll need you to do it again.  If you worry that you'll die, don't.  According to the third law of thermodynamics, you'll never have zero energy.  According to some stories I've heard, your heart could explode.  But the decomposition happening would count as energy.  Just something to ponder until I get to the third law later.

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