Here is another thing about age written by yet another stupid millennial 26 year old. Now that I have the self depreciation out of the way, let's see if I can make something with some substance or even add anything to the landscape.
The reason for the introduction is simple: I don't think I've ever seen 30 as old, and it has never dawned on me until now that my body may think other wise. I feel it, every year I feel like it's a little harder to keep up with people younger than me. But have you seen the Millennial generation? Not many of us look it. It's never dawned on me that my body will feel old, because people in their early 30's used to look like they could fit with us young-un's. Hell, I thought the only difference between 21 and 31 was maybe kids and probably a real job. There were people older than me that complained about being old, but I was also in construction and farming, so those guys seemed to be old prematurely. They looked like somebody my age with some back problems.
The other thing is, it really does look like I have a lot of time left. I somehow didn't kill myself yet by being a dumb-ass who'll try anything, and it seems I have less and less of a desire to do so. Because every morning I wake up alive after being wild and young is another god-damn morning I have to deal with. So either I don't wake up, or I don't do the wild and young thing. Don't like my options, really.
My reason for making this is to grouse about the fact my brain seems to want to the same dumb shit I did 5 years ago. "Drugs? Fasting? Work hard for no money? Yeah, I've done it before, I can do it now." Then I do it, and I realize, it wasn't something I could do when I was young because it caused me problems then too. Also, stuff I decided was sucked when I was 18 like restaurant work and Pennsylvania, hasn't changed a bit. Being a cook is for saints, and PA. . . God, PA. I thought I was home sick when I was 18.
I'm grumpy. I'm bitching and I'm whining. Someone once told me that no one under 28 likes to go to loud clubs and bars. I'm not sure about that, but I am sure of the fact that late nights for a week straight is something that has always been problematic for me, I just blamed it on the drugs. Oh, and next time I decide to try fasting because "spiritual people have been doing it for centuries" I need a reminder that it wasn't fun when I tried it at 19, it was new. And when I was 21 and living in a tent? Well, by month three of hard work and not a lot of food I punched my friend and boss in the face. It's not fun now when I'm 26. What the fuck is the point of growing older if I can't learn from my mistakes?
Positive note - I have done this thing for a long time because the reason I started writing this (to learn science and math) seems to payed off to a degree. Working in mycology and trying to keep up with running a math group pushed this blog into "We'll see" status. And I've been working to help my friends out, Los Festingos, a band in Philadelphia. They too have been working hard for 5 years and dealing with their own dreams and struggling, and it finally seems to pay off in a small way when they release an album with 10 whole songs. Even if we all fail, we had fun in our 20's.