Week 3. Ok, well, I seem to have trapped myself into some negativity over the past couple of days. After going over my journal, notes, and things I've said to other people there is this frustration creeping in. The intial glamour has worn off a little, and I'm starting to feel frustrated at school, feeling like people don't want to see me, and the like. I have gotten out this week, and I have begun to accomplish things I can be proud of. Let's start with what I have done.
I got out mushroom hunting this week. The rain has finally begun to clear up a bit, the weather is warmer, and in it all I got to go explore the woods a bit. I didn't find much, but with this weather I was only expecting spring mushrooms. On top of that, I finally got to work on some math problems in a book I've had for 2 years now. It has some great stuff in it, and could be a great meetup. I've worked on the description and the idea I've wanted to do for the meetup for a couple of days now. It would work well as an online math group, I feel, because it's math, it's programming, and it is something that could be screen captured. And my Russian has kept improving. It's why I'm here. I knew it would be hard and I knew week three would be the week where I might get my programming done but the excitement of a new place would wear off. I would get programming done BECAUSE the excitement would wear off. Also, I have gotten word on a way to make a little money, which will be nice.
Today, I've trapped myself in the mind set of "getting the excitement back". That might not happen, not by force at least. Instead, it's time to look ahead at the week, and all the things I want to do, see and experience while I'm here. It's great, because I'm in a big city with lots to do and see and experience, it has a big nightlife, and if I want to be a different person, then doing so requires stepping outside of my comfort zone more.
Let's start with the knowns: tonight is a linux meetup. I'm nervous about this, because I'm wondering how much English I need to speak. In fact, where I am starting on week 4 is that my tendency to keep myself at home combined with a lack of confidence about speaking a new language has kept me from going some places. In an attempt to ease my concerns, I've sent a message to the co-organizer about what to expect. The excitement and the nervousness is the same thing, hopefully it's something I can enjoy. Cool. Feeling a little better.
There's an English language class I'm getting paid to go to. Nice thing about being an native English speaker here, there are a few events that incintives me to come with money or free food. What I'm hopping for is for this to help build steam in order to find more things. This is my dream, to be able to work in another country. So I've been trying to go out and see things, but again, having a huge language barrier stops me. This is why I want to improve my Russian.This is the reason I want to go into class on Monday and knock it out of the park.
Oh my god, have you ever had something coming up that you want to get really excited about, and all you want to do is talk to everyone about it? Mayan culture lecture. I learned about the mayan culture years ago when I was 11 or 12, and since then if I find something on them I go. I can't even begin to express everything I find interesting about them. I guess first the math. Learning about their counting system was huge step forward for me in my mathematic development. I guess because base 20 is easier to grasp then something like hexadecimal, the system was able to make various concepts about counting systems obvious to me. I remember learning that they new how to find pi, but they didn't have decimals. Now that I'm older and have seen a bit of Euclid's methods of calculations, along with other other classic geometry calculation systems, I'm begining to realize that these geometric proofs are in their art and architecture. Sort of like classic Islamic art and math. There's the fact they had an advanced knowledge of astronomy, and from everything left over there is proof that they were quite advanced in engineering. What I would love to know is more about their stories, and if anything else has been found on their math. They could build flat straight roads, so did they have algorithms and homework for students, like we've found in Sumeria? Oh my god I'm so excited for this and I want to talk about it to anyone who will listen.
I'm single in Moscow, and I'm interesting because of various things. This is the part where I plan on stepping out of my comfort zone. Usually when I go out, I go to places where there's mostly guys, things like tech meetings and math and science stuff. It's interesting, but everything here about trying new things and working towards being a person I want to be. Being single is a part that gets me, because yes, I am one of those people who don't know what I want. Well, sort of. For the last 5 years, I wanted money and to get myself out of the hole I was in, so I could begin to enjoy life again. Now that I'm in this situation, I'm working on doing the things I want to do again. I am rediscovering a passion for my interests outside of work, math and music. I want to get out and explore books, art, and the like. It's time to do stuff where I can meet other single people.
Have I've begun to pull myself out of the crap that I felt at work for the last few years? Yeah, it's slow going, but yes. Feeling trapped sucks, and depression happens. When the two combine, it becomes this whole mindset just focused on getting out of it. I did cool things while there, but it's just been the last few years at work that had me lethargic. The drive and the passion for life was gone. That's what I'm here for, to find that lust for life once again.